no more nursing at night!

so i was going to get ready for bed last night and was about to put on my usual sleep attire...a nursing bra and nursing pajama gown, when i realized that suriah has been sleeping through the night now for well over a week so i didnt really need to wear any nursing attire to bed anymore!!!

it was such a weird thought and i dont know why i hadnt thought of it before. so i went into my pj drawer in my dresser and pulled out my previous nighttime attire....a tank top and comfy shorts.

i have been so happy that suriah has been sleeping through the night but i also miss the cuddling in my bed, so today after yet another night of her sleeping 12 hours straight through, i hopped into bed with her and nursed her and we cuddled for a little while. i love watching my babies grow up but a part of me wishes they could stay cute little baby blobs forever!

kid leashes...

today i became one of THOSE moms.

i bought and used one of those kid backpack leashes on emerson. i seriously wanted to murder myself and pretend that this wasnt really me holding my dog...i mean, KID, on a leash. haha

but seriously, it was me and my sister versus suriah, emerson, a vacuum and NO stroller at a mall where they don't believe in those kid carriages. we were losing...big time! the leash seemed to be the only option at the time, and it was only $5.

at first emerson hated it..i think she was freaked out by the animal on her back...haha. she kept turning in circles...like a dog chasing it's tail. haha. but then she realized she could WALK and after that, she went crazy...in a good way.

it was the best worst idea ever. she could walk, but we couldnt really control the direction she went in, which involved her getting pulled occasionally across the floor on her butt. haha. or her stopping walking and us continuing...and then her getting tossed on her butt....and dragged again. haha.

but she really loved it (minus not being able to go wherever she wanted all the time). she was laughing and doing some weird walk-dance and would scream happily. she was blowing kisses to all sorts of people as she walked around....kids, kiosk workers, clothing store mannequins, pretty much everyone we walked by. she was also blowing the kisses and then saying bye bye and waving at the people...then she would take off running......well, until she got yanked back by the leash! haha...

my sister and i were seriously laughing at ourselves SO HARD because it was just ridiculous and if you had seen us tonight, you would have laughed uncontrollably. it was the worst but funniest night ever, which involved not only a stupid kid leash and carrying a vacuum around through the mall, but also emerson spilling the contents of her entire 11oz sippy cup on herself and then we undressed her while in the cheesecake factory to try to take her clothes into the bathroom to use the hand dryer to dry them off...only they didnt have one. so we put her coat on, with no shirt and took her to another bathroom, only to realize it wasnt working and so we went back out to the car (she stayed inside with my sister), in torrential downpours (we had a crazy nor-easter and its been raining for days and everywhere is super flooded), to try to get out an outfit that my sister had luckily just bought. and this progressed to her running around the mall with a kid leash on and general craziness ensued. this really isnt even a description of half of our night. it was a disaster but it was hilarious...

and i cant belive that i turned into one of THOSE moms who uses a leash! i HATE those stupid things, but man, i certainly understand the purpose. i swore up and down that the only people who use those are people who dont pay attention to their kid or doesnt know how to control them. now i understand that sometime, disaster strikes and you just dont have enough hands!

dont hate me....i already hate myself a teeny bit for buying and using the darn thing! haha

food is my enemy..

don't get me wrong...i LOVE food. i love eating it and i love the way it tastes...i just hate shopping for it, preparing it and cooking it. i love it most when someone else cooks for me. even a sandwich made by someone else tastes better than my own. it's just that food and i don't seem to be having a good time with each other lately. part of this is because of suriah's issues...i can't have any dairy so i am at a loss of what to eat, which sucks. and my past favorites need to be eliminated or substituted with something that usually doesn't taste as good. i am working with it but really, i am sick of having to even think of alternatives. why can't i just go back to eating ice cream and drinking lots of milk??

but anyway, my main point of this post isn't really about food..it's more about MEALS. i know that i can be a good parent. i have worked with kids for years and years and i know i can deal with the crap they eventually bring. i was never worried about whether i would be able to handle my kids....except in one way. i have always worried about feeding them. as previously mentioned, i hate cooking. it's easy to breastfeed or formula feed, but once we start getting into real food, i knew i was gonna suck. and i think it's safe to say that i really do suck at feeding emerson. it's nice that i am now at my parents house, and my mother cooks actual meals because emerson can eat those and isn't forced to eat chef boyardee and peanut butter sandwiches for dinner every night of her life.

granted, she doesn't exactly make this easy on me either. i mean, the kid won't eat grilled cheese sandwiches, mac and cheese or lunch meats. do you know ANY kids who won't eat mac and cheese? i didn't....until i had my own. so i have no idea what to feed this kid. it's beyond frustrating.

so being home takes a bit of that stress off, but i am already anxious for the day that i move out and the feeding of both my kids will lie solely on me. i already feel bad for them. i am hoping that before that day happens, that i magically meet some guy who LOVES to cook and is good at it cuz man, that would make my life a whole lot easier!

i think it's interesting that of all the things that come with parenting, feeding my children is my biggest stressor. i hope i get better at it someday...for the sake of my kids. haha

parenting...fail

since suriah was born, emerson has had a tough time with adjusting. she isn't too thrilled with the idea of sharing me with anyone else. it's getting slightly better because we are living around other people right now so she can get attention from other people, but it's still tough.

take a few days ago for example...suriah was wearing this super cute one piece hooded zutano outfit with little elephants on it. so cute! and i decided to put her in the bumbo to see if she could sit in it yet. she was pretty happy sitting it in...emerson was not. i dont know if emerson remembers the bumbo and didn't want to share or what, but she threw a FIT when she saw suriah in it. she went over to suriah and grabbed her hood and tried pulling her out of the bumbo by her hood. it didnt work (and suriah was getting choked!) and so emerson decided to kick her instead. NICE... i would officially like to pronounce that as a FAIL.

i dont know what to do to make emerson be nice to suriah or to not get as jealous and try to kill her off. this totally reminds me of growing up with my older brother and to this day, we really aren't too keen on each other. he has spent his whole life trying to kill me (and some of my friends) off. luckily it never worked and i think he might have given up at this point, but we never really got along. i hope that this isn't a forshadowing of what is to come with emerson and suriah. i would like them to at least somewhat like each other, rather than always hating each other and being in competition.

if you have any suggestions on how to make emerson be nicer to suriah and learn to share me, let me know.

resurrection...

well, its been a long hiatus from blogging. those of you who know me well know how absolutely crazy life has been in the past few months with all that has gone on between myself and brad, and on top of it all, let's throw the holidays in there for fun as well....oh yeah, and having another baby AND moving out of state. nothing is ever easy, thats for sure!

anyway, to catch everyone up, brad (baby's father) and i are no longer together. if you know me well, you know the reasons. if you dont know me well, then the reasons dont really matter. it was difficult being a newly single mom of a 1 year old and also being super pregnant. but somehow i managed to do it without anyone going completely crazy (although that might be debatable), and on january 1st, 2010 i had another beautiful baby. one thing i can say without a doubt...even though brad and i might not make a good couple, we certainly make beautiful little girls! :) of course, i am biased, but i swear if you have ever seen pics or seen them in person, you would probably agree with me.

to go into more depth, i was aiming for a VBAC, which is a vaginal birth after cesarean. i had gotten some amazing doulas (highly recommend getting a doula if you can!) and was well prepared for a natural birth. well, in typical murphy's law style, after 9 hours of drug free labor, i had to have a c-section because of pain i was having by my previous c-section scar. however, the result of all this was a cute little baby girl, who we named suriah elizabeth. she was 7lbs 6oz and 21 inches long. i left the hospital early, during one of the biggest snowstorms of the year. it was a VERY stressful drive home. suriah has been such a sweet baby, with lots of smiles and she started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks old. we have had some trials and tribulations in the 2 months she has been around...first dealing with her pooping blood. yep...pooping blood. a little freaky to discover. not exactly what you want to see in your baby's diaper 2 days after returning home from the hospital. turns out she is severely allergic to some stuff...which at this point we think is dairy related products. however, i originally had to cut out all dairy, soy, seafood and tree nuts out of my diet in order to keep breastfeeding. and if i chose not to bf anymore, the formula was super expensive...

i am proud to announce that we have been successfully exclusively breastfeeding for over 2 months now and i have worked soy, seafood and tree nuts back into my diet. still waiting on the dairy, and still figuring out what i can eat. we had some issues with her not being able to latch correctly in the beginning but have since worked things out...

so...after having suriah, things have gotten even crazier. i had to try to pack up my house with a 1 year old and newborn, and move in with my parents in MA. yeah, you read that right...i moved home with my parents at 31 years old. not really something i am proud of, but i am thankful they welcomed me back home and are willing to adjust their whole lives to help accomodate me and my girlies. its still an adjustment for all of us and it hasnt been easy, probably for any of us.

now that i am "home", my main purpose of blogging is useless. it was to keep everyone at home updated on me and emerson. now that we are around all these people, my purpose has changed. i am blogging for me and my girlies...for memories.

so blogging has been resurrected....with a new purpose and a new name. i am now outnumbered by my kids....haha.

to transition or not to transition??

that is the question...

wondering what i am talking about? well, as you all know, emerson sleeps in an amby baby hammock. i have loved the hammock and all that it has to offer in the year that we have used it. emerson has always slept so well in it and its really been great. however, eventually she needs to sleep in her crib. by eventually, i mean BEFORE newbaby is born!

i feel bad making her transition out of it and honestly, i am afraid that she wont sleep as well in the crib as she does in the hammock. she cant possibly sleep in the hammock forever though (even though the spring will hold up to 45lbs!)

so....i keep procrastinating. i was going to transition her after i went back home with her in october. however, when i got back, i realized that her room was in shambles and there was a ton of stuff piled in her crib. so i have been working on this and trying to get things organized. i guess i could have just tossed everything on the floor and put her in the crib, but i am procrastinating... hehe..

so now its november. and i plan to go home for thanksgiving. so now i am thinking that maybe i should just wait until after thanksgiving to transition her to the crib. that way she can sleep in the hammock while i am home. its familiar to her and she doesnt sleep as well back at my parents house as she does in her own room...so i hate to transition her to a crib and then make her sleep in the pack and play (which she HATES). i think she wouldnt sleep at all in gloucester.

so i think i might have just made up my mind. i think i am going to procrastinate further and transition her after thanksgiving. of course, that is cutting it a little close. i am hoping that the transition doesnt take longer than a week or two. it cant possibly take a month right?

well.....if need be, i know i can always borrow another amby baby hammock from a friend for newbaby! hehe..

one year old!!!

well...over a year has passed since emerson was born...and i cant believe it! it went by so quickly and it was so amazing to watch her grow and change over the past year. this time last year she was a cute, teeny little baby blob. today she is a silly, excitable, walking little girl. its amazing. she says lots of words and is a snuggle bug. she loves her momma :) ...maybe a little too much. she is awfully attached but i dont mind most of the time. hehe.

anyway, she had her one year appointment. just to compare, here are her newborn stats:
length: 19.25 inches
weight: 6lbs 11oz
head:14 inches

now for her one year stats!
length: 29 inches (50th percentile)
weight: 19lbs (13th percentile)
head: 19 inches (97th percentile)

yep...she has a BIG noggin!! haha. takes after her dad and his big noggin!

her birthday party went great and almost everyone showed up. she loved her cupcake. she was a little weirded out at first but got into the swing of things eventually. after eating and opening her presents, we all went outside and the kids played in the leaves.

anyway, here are some pics, in reverse chronological order since i never remember that this blog posts things opposite....

on her actual birthday we got her ears pierced and got her some cold stone creamery ice cream!

playing in the leaves at her bday party
birthday cupcake face!

first bite of the cupcake...examining the situation

emerson's halloween and bday costume...a little devil, just like her auntie ashley!