Tuesday, July 13, 2010

14 months apart! you must be crazy!

I feel kind of bad because a lot of people will ask me about my girls and how close together they are and then make some sort of comment about their lack of age difference....and i always adamently say something to the like of "i didn't plan it!" and i didn't. i would never have planned to get pregnant when one of my kids was only 6 months old. i know some people WANT kids close together but i wouldnt have planned that.

but it is what it is. i didnt PLAN it but they are 14 months apart and there is no changing that. that is the course my life has taken. its overwhelming at times and really awesome at other times. being a single mom only amplifies the overwhelming part of it, which really sucks. i truely believe that mother nature intended it to take two people to have a baby because it takes (at least) two people to raise a baby. you NEED someone to trade off with. someone who has had just as much a part of the kid as yourself. having family help out is great, but its FAVORS and BABYSITTING...its different than when its your own child.

but i love my girls...and as much as i didnt want them close together and as hard as it was having suriah in a really crazy time in my life, i have TWO children. TWO blessings. things with their father didnt work out and i wish everyday that they had...but i also accept that they most likely never will work out. i just wish for my kids (and myself) that they had been able to grow up in an intact family. i know that the rate of divorce is 50% and that plenty of kids are born to single mothers so my kids won't be alone...but it's just not the life i envisioned for them or for myself.

so although i wouldn't have planned it and i tell people that all the time, i kind of feel like i am saying i didnt want them. i didnt PLAN for them, but they are so wanted and loved and they chose to come when they did. they might not have the "perfect" family, but they will always have me and they will always have each other. i need to work on a better response to people when they comment about their age difference that relays to them that although they werent planned, they are very much loved and wanted.